An Ode to the Glories of the Beard

Ah, who can properly extol the virtues of that great mark of the male sex, the glorious and ineffable beard! From the beginning of time it has sprung forth from the chins of men, proclaiming the dignity and uniqueness of our kind. Long has it adorned prophets, kings, and holy men of old. Long has it filled the hearts of growing boys with ardor and with aspiration.
Yet, despite its grandeur, history, and dignity, there are many who would deny men the honor of this great badge of male worth. Unkempt they call it; wild, they call it! Thus they would see us shorn of our hairy adornment. They would have us tamed by the razor in the name of decency and civilization.
Therefore, let us not be silent. Let us proclaim boldly the venerable beauty and grandeur of the beard! Let it be proven henceforth, by these quotes from the great saints and doctors of Holy Mother Church, that the beard is not only a mark of manhood—but an infallible sign of holiness and salvation!
The Beard Praised by Great Saints and Doctors
Capuchin Friars
“We shall wear the beard after the example of Christ and our first saints, since it is something manly, natural, severe, despised and austere.” – The Capuchin Constitutions of 1536
Saint Augustine
“The beard signifies the courageous; the beard distinguishes the grown men, the earnest, the active, the vigorous. So that when we describe such, we say, he is a bearded man.” (Exposition on Psalm 133, 6)
Clement of Alexandria
“For God wished women to be smooth, and rejoice in their locks alone growing spontaneously, as a horse in his mane; but has adorned man, like the lions, with a beard, and endowed him, as an attribute of manhood, with a shaggy chest – a sign of strength and rule.”
“For an ample beard suffices for men.